See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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