She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
