She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
