The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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