HIV tests are more positive than that guy
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
