i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
