I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
