just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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