I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
