Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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