lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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