When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
