Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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