If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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