You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You smell like stripper and shame
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize