his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
