Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
