I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize