How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
