I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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