Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
