the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
