dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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