Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
