Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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