I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
