White coat. Heels.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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