Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
