you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
