I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
