Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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