The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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