Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
