She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
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