____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I want to have your abortion
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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