My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
