I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
