oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
