We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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