just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We have started to decorate penises.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
