Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
