my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
