the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
