Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize