Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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