Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize