BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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