Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize