Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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