That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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