Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
