We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
