i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i barfeds in our rink
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
