she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
