Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
