i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
