Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
