If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
