i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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