thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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