I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize