There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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