It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
