New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
