two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
