An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my being single is dangerous.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
