Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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