can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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