I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
