So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
