Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize