am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
