You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
