He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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