so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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