I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
