i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
