Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
