I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
