I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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