They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
