You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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