Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
