who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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