so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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