Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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