okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
