she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
