You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
