my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
