I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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