i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
