Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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